RX Bars

The Jackal is a fan of RX Bars. He’s always been a fan of portable food that is tasty and filling. Previously, The Jackal has eaten PowerBars, Cliff Bars, and some coffee flavored compressed food sticks from Japan. None of these things satisfied The Jackal. Every energy bar he had eaten was no better than a candy bar. So much sugar. He was always hungrier and more tired after eating one than he would have been waiting for real food.

RX Bars are different. They have a lot of fiber and protein for an energy bar. The sugar is fructose from dates which is mixed in with fiber. This slows the absorption. The combination of slow-releasing sugar, fiber, and protein make the bar more filling and satisfying.

You, dear reader, can find RX Bars at your local Target or Kroger. Or if you’re savy like The Jackal, you can buy them online. There’s a lot of flavors to choose from. The Jackal’s personal favorites are Peanut Butter Chocolate and Peanut Butter & Berries.

Yes, spare us the jokes, The Jackal loves peanut butter. But don’t think he’ll lick anything just because it has peanut butter on it. The Jackal has some standards. Mix some berries or chocolate in first. Or just use Nutella. The Jackal is a whore for the delicious combination of hazelnut and chocolate.

Thank you for reading Forbidden Jackal. Your task for today is to put on pants. That’s all. You don’t even need to do it properly.

Rant: Respecs

As a professional, there’s nothing The Jackal hates more than rework, which is work coming back to him to be redone. Usually it’s because he screwed the wrong pooch or did it in a way his manager or the customer didn’t approve of. Because if you and a very exceptional poodle are breaking out the sled harnesses in July, you’re obviously doing it wrong. Especially if you’re having fun doing it.

But there’s a special category for what’s boringly called “rework”. And that’s called the “respec”. This is what a respec looks like.

The specification sheet clearly stated you needed a black lab, 4 cucumbers, a business of ferrets (preferably hobs but whatever works), and a bag of generic Twizzlers. It takes a while to find the proper dog, order suitable cucumbers, and herd the ferrets. The Twizzlers you steal from the break room when no one is looking. This takes all week. You do the photo shoot and send it off to the customer.

And then Monday at 4pm, your boss forwards you an email from the customer. You are the most terrible person on the planet. Everything is unusable. You need to redo the photo shoot with a yellow lab and 3 eggplants. But the ferrets and Twizzlers are fine.

— My Life, My Hell by The Jackal

“Respecs” makes The Jackal’s blood boil. It’s not his fault some fucking moron in Nebraska can’t find the pants on their head. But somehow it’s his responsibility to fix.

Writing Advice: Fist it in Post

This was originally called Fix it in Post, but autocorrect fucked it and I’m keeping it.

Something I learned last week. It’s okay to write a scene knowing you’ll have to rewrite it in editing. I’ve got a court room scene in Scars We Carry at the moment. I know the basics of how court works thanks to my business law class, reading a lawyer’s blog, and some googling. Also way too many episodes of Law and Order.

Honestly, that’s all you need to write the scene. It’s important to get the energy and the information for the scene down. You can always fix the details later. I know when I get to editing that scene, I’ll pull my copy of Runaway Jury off my bookshelf and ask my lawyer friend where to find courts transcripts.

Your first draft is not about getting things correct, it’s about getting them down.

Writing Advice: Just Say No To Self-Flagellation

First off, I’ve done it, accidentally. Like all IT implements, my Cat-5e of 9 Tails needed some of my blood before it would work properly. Hurt like hell and The Jackal has a low pain threshold. I might have cried a little. There was definitely a yelp. The clips at the end of ethernet cables are sharp.

If you’re going to sit down to write and you’re getting nowhere, don’t go beating yourself up. This is the least productive thing you can do. If the words just don’t flowing, get up and do something else. Or even better, start free writing. Any topic that comes to mind.

My mind usually goes to steamy hot tub scenes. A young, lean wolf — perhaps named Conor — relaxing in the hot tub at a YMCA after doing some weight lifting. The water tempature is just right and the air is a little foggy. He’s thinking about lunch, maybe a chicken wrap, maybe something a little spicy. Because lean chicken breast is really good for you. Lots of protein, not a lot of fat. Also, the The Jackal didn’t start eating lunch until 2pm and this Baja Chicken Wrap™ is really good.

Anyway, just write what comes to mind. Don’t beat yourself up. Free write for 10 minutes, or until you get bored, whatever happens first. Then try to write again.